It's hard to believe that it's now been 2 years since we started this journey to parenthood. Never in a million years would I have guessed that it would have taken this long. If I had predicted then what life would be like now, it would probably involve running after a one-year old and thinking about #2. But instead I've yet to even get a positive pregnancy test! I was hoping I'd get pregnant right away and be able to tell my family at Thanksgiving ('07). Then Thanksgiving turned into Christmas, Christmas became Easter, Easter became Mother's Day, Father's Day and the cycle continued. I guess I was pretty naive.
The past two years have definitely been the most challenging of my life. Like I've told a few friends, I don't mind having challenges in my life, I'm just ready for a new one. I know people deal with illness, pain, hurt and other issues for a lot longer than that, but this is what I've been given for now and it's been difficult. There's been a lot of tears, a lot of frustration, a lot of disappointment and a lot of waiting. My body and emotions have been through the wringer.
I am a different person then I was 2 years ago. I know a TON more about anything related to getting pregnant. I have met some wonderful people who have struggled with me, many who have been successful and others who have not. I've also, in some ways, become more withdrawn, guarded and self-absorbed... that part I don't like and want to work on. Overall I have a wonderful life... amazing family and friends, a job I love, a supportive and loving husband, to name a few.
As I enter year number 3, I will no longer say with confidence that I think I'll be a mom this time next year... I've learned that my timing is pretty off with this stuff. But I can say that I remain confident that I will be a mom someday. I'm not sure when or how, but I believe it will happen. I know that this next year will bring its share of bad days and disappointments. This whole process gets harder, not easier. I'm curious where I'll be at in a year and I'm not shy in hoping that it involves a baby. But today I choose to be thankful for all that I am blessed with, to do my best to live in the present and enjoy today. A new year brings new possibilities and renewed hope, and today I'm hanging onto that hope.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I love this blog and appreciate how honest you are. Struggles in life are so hard. I've had my own - but in a different area of life - like you I'm ready for a new challenge!RLW
ReplyDeleteThanks RLW - you've been an awesome friend through this! I know you've had your share. Thanks for leaving comments too. I find comments encouraging! Love ya! :)
ReplyDeleteyou're an amazing woman and you are loved. i'm hopeful about what this year will bring for you too. i love your honesty and boldness here.
ReplyDeleteCO