In this process I have good days, bad days, and lots of in-between days. Yesterday was a bad day. I don't know what triggers a bad day. Was it meeting a newborn for the first time yesterday? Being surrounded by pregnant women? I'm not sure. But yesterday I felt frustrated.... frustrated that I have so much time on my hands right now and I'm not able to continue with treatment. And because of vacation plans we made in August, I might have to skip another cycle. What's another month or two in this process when you're two years in? The difference is now I don't have the added stress of getting to work on time after my morning appointments. I have more energy to deal with being poked and prodded multiple times a day.
Yesterday was one of those days where the tears came and I wished that for one day, I could have a break from dealing with infertility. It was a day where I questioned why this is taking so long and how I'm supposed to live my life while I wait. It was a day when I wanted to crawl into bed and stay there forever, in hopes that this would all go away. I can't avoid bad days. I don't even want to anymore. I've learned that if I let myself be sad, frustrated and let the tears come, I actually can move faster into a positive place again. Infertility sucks and I don't need to be happy that it's in my life. The key is not letting it take over and ruin it. I'm still learning how to do that, but part of it is embracing the fact that there will be bad days.
Today is a good day. Nothing has really changed from yesterday, but I know that if I tried to fight the sadness and negative emtotions yesterday, I probably wouldn't be feeling as good today.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I'm sorry. Bad days are hard, depressing and frustrating. I have found that sometimes we have to deal and dive into the darkness in order to move past the pain of that moment. I've been able to do that a little...say that I've been there, done that, don't need to go back there for a while.
ReplyDeleteStill praying hard for you guys.
D and H
I think you are right. Sometimes bad days are needed in order to make us stronger and even more determined in the ttc process. I'm sorry for the timing of everything it must be so frustrating. "Infertility sucks and I don't need to be happy that it's in my life" is the most true statement I've ever read in regards to infertility. I'm glad you are having a good day. You deserve them.
ReplyDelete